Osmond Memories

It doesn’t seem all those years ago that I did something that could have ended up in the Guinness Book of Records, by writing five consecutive nightly shows for The Osmonds on BBC 1.

It wasn’t that I liked their music particularly. At that time in the mid-70s I had my own heavy rock show on Radio One, wrote for an underground magazine called Zigzag, and generally was immersed in the rock world.

I was asked to recall the Osmonds part of these events the other day by a team from Chrysalis TV, who are behind that successful Saturday night Channel Four show about music in the 70s. They had found I wrote the Osmonds shows by researching on the internet. Where else? In fact the show’s producer Don Perretta reckons that the internet is now the top source for research!

In the days I was involved with them the Osmonds were selling 800,000 singles a time, which had brought a recovery in the British singles market, that had not known such sales since The Beatles ten years before.

So what was it like being involved in those heady days ? Well, for a start, of course, the Osmonds are Mormons, and so there was never any coffee or tea available, only Seven Up. No, that’s a trivial aside.

They were incredibly hard working. They stayed at the time in a rented house near Ascot, but demanded that work started at 9am every morning, which meant they had to suffer the rush hour roads, like everyone else at that hour, every day. They would arrive at what was then the Television Theatre on Shepherds Bush Green. These days it is The Empire, still a nightly home to rock bands.

They would breakfast on freshly made doughnuts and milk. Not the healthiest of diets, but they made up for it at lunch when a variety of American salads were produced, involving various fruits.

My first job of the day was to brief the Osmond family on the newspapers and what they were covering. At least, unlike the just elected President Bush, they admitted that they did not understand what was going in Britain. They were also keen to make topical remarks and jokes, so I had to weed out the right subjects for me to set to work on, and put in that night's script.

Although Donny Osmond was the star, and the reason why a thousand girls a day stayed screaming like starlings outside the theatre as we rehearsed and put the show together, it was the older Alan Osmond who was the mouthpiece of the family as far as how they wanted the show to look and happen. Strangely it was the completely unknown Wayne Osmond whose part enlarged during the week, as I realised he really did have a very good sense of comedy timing, and an understanding of  what made people in London laugh. I certainly enlarged his role night by night, never forgetting, as Alan would remind me, that Donny was the guy all the girls wanted to see and hear.

It really is amazing to look back and realise that for five nights there were ‘live’ half hours produced by Robin Nash,an experienced BBC variety producer. He worked out his shots in the morning, took the Osmonds through them in the afternoon, and put them out ‘live’ every night just after the news, to a massive audience of 16 million. Nothing like it will ever happen again. Certainly not the audience figures. In those days as Nationwide was creaking to its end it was thought a poor night when the news and current affairs show drew seven million. That figure would put you in the top ten nowadays.

As for The Osmonds, above all they were professionals. They may have been squeaky clean, Mormons - I’ve nothing against that - and always smiling, but in person that was just how they were. You got what you saw, which is not always the case in show business, or rock 'n' roll.

It was Mrs Osmond who had taught them all how to play musical instruments, and also to take up singing. Mr Osmond was the business brains. He started life as a carpenter, but moved onto real estate, and now runs their empire.

Marie Osmond was only 15 when she came to England for the series, and Little Jimmy Osmond, a mere fourteen years old. Because of British laws protecting minors from working too many hours, and neglecting their education, we had to record the little Jimmy and Marie inserts in the afternoon. For this to get a real live atmosphere, 500 youngsters would be allowed into the theatre to cheer them on.

Of course Marie was to continue, first singing with Donny, and then having a  solo career of her own. On this series she was very much in the background. These days it would be more likely for the young girl, than a boy of the family to be right up front, and the most popular. Girl power in the record buying industry has changed things.

Once the show had gone out, work was not over for The Osmonds. They all went back to their main dressing room, and viewed the show on video, making constructive, but critical remarks about their performance. Mrs Osmond, in particular, was the group’s most severe critic. They wouldn’t tear the act to bits, but just make sure that it went even better next time. Mr Osmond would view all these proceedings, but would never enter the conversation unless one of the family asked his opinion.

Then it was time to go home, which was easier said than done. By now the road, and lane around the theatre would be crammed with screaming fans waiting for their idols to leave. It became a military operation as one of the group would appear at a top window and wave to the crowd. Meanwhile an old battered van would be backed up to the stage door, and the rest of the family smuggled into the back of it. For several days the fans thought it was just the truck bringing out waste etcetera. The van would drive several roads away where the Osmonds' limousine would be waiting, and off they went back to the Berkshire countryside.

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