The Hatless Society

Basil Turner remembers when fashion was practical.

Gathered outside the crematorium in cold winter sunshine, we waited for the funeral cortege to arrive. Dark suits and black ties for the men and equally sombre dresses for the women reflected the sadness of the occasion. My own dress code was also in keeping, but with one notable difference: I was wearing a hat - I was the only one wearing a hat! I was also in the minority in that I saw no reason to accelerate my own demise by appearing without an overcoat. Both hat and coat were worn, on that occasion, for protection from the cold. My hat, however, had, as it always has had, an additional social function: it allowed me to take it off to show respect when required.

My encyclopaedia informs me that Headwear serves several purposes: it is worn for personal adornment, for protection, or to indicate status. To that list I must add the hat as an enabler in the incidental courtesies of daily life. But you can't doff your hat if you don't wear one! 'Doffing' is not necessarily a sign of subservience. In times past it was also used among equals as a salutation - an elegant gesture, one worthy of revival.

More of why the hat is out of favour with the general public later. First, let us consider the role of headwear to indicate status. A crown is the extreme indicator of status, but the phrase 'The Crowned Heads of Europe' tells us much about the levelling out of the social playing field. The crown is worn only on the most formal of state occasions in Britain and I have yet to see any of the few remaining other European monarchs actually wearing the symbol of royalty.

Britain remains the great bastion of secular tradition. The wig is a powerful reminder to all who enter a British courtroom that headgear itself has its own pecking order. It is clear for all to see who is in overall charge of proceedings: 'The Big Wig' is the judge; his head sports the biggest wig, indicating his authority over the smaller wigs - the barristers. In the Christian tradition, the Biretta denotes rank according to its colour. This is formal wear, and for ceremony, the bishop has the taller Mitre to indicate his leading role in the proceedings.

There is much to be said for the hat as the essential final touch in the business of being dressed for the job in general and the occasion in particular - a policeman only looks the part when wearing his helmet. Only those of a certain age will remember the crispness of the nurse's uniform of old. Oh how I lament the loss of that cute little white coronet they used to wear! How much more purposeful than today's plain overall, the white frontage with that dainty upside-down watch dangling provocatively from its breastplate anchorage! And as for Matron..!

The military also ensures that the higher the rank, the more ostentatious the braid. In my RAF National Service days we used to call it 'Scrambled Egg'. At all levels in Service life, uniform says who you are.

Head-dress is integral to uniform. If you can see the sky directly over your head, you should be wearing your hat! You must salute officers and the officer should return the salute. I well remember as a raw recruit approaching an officer who had his right arm in a sling. What to do? He can't return my salute, so I'll give him a smart 'Eyes Right'. Wrong! I really got it in the neck for that bit of concern for his inability to reciprocate. It is called discipline. Don't think - just obey orders!

The modern nurse's uniform is hardly a uniform at all so it is not useful to make comparisons with earlier times. Nevertheless, it is apposite to compare the school uniform of today and the wearing thereof with that of yesteryear.

'When I were a lad' - Oh dear I'm at it again! You had to wear the school uniform and (just like the army) you had to wear it properly. Shoes had to be clean, socks had to be pulled up if they were long ones, ties had to be knotted correctly, and shirts had to be tucked inside trousers. Of course, not everybody pulled their socks up, wore their cap at the right angle or cleaned their shoes to a satisfactory standard, but a generally scruffy appearance would never be tolerated as it reflected badly on the school.

Fast forward to today's school dress code - and it is a dress code. Modern scruffiness demands that school ties be left dangling from open neck shirts, which must be free to flap uncontrollably outside the confines of trouser waistbands. Trousers should drag on the ground and preferably be torn somewhere in the knee area. And school caps - no way, man! Adherence to this dress code is de rigueur since old-fashioned smartness inhibits the approved slouch shuffle movement - respect, man! In any case (and in a suitable, but now archaic vernacular) one's normal arm movements when walking are hardly possible these days since one must have one of one's hands free at all times to operate one's mobile, mustn't one?

The Bowler for the City Gent and the Top Hat for going to the opera are all but extinct. The Flat Cap, once the mark of the Working Man is also an endangered species. I have never seen the hat as a class indicator, but in today's egalitarian society, it is somehow seen as contrary to the favoured dressing-down social leveller - in other words, old-fashioned! I am an incurable hat wearer: I have one trilby, which I still use for going to funerals; the rest of my collection provides me with protection from the elements, be they harsh winter chills or merciless summer sunshine.

My Flat Caps vary in colour to co-ordinate with jacket or coat. When out hiking, I go casual with one of those one size American-style jobs, or if cold winds are blowing, it's a cosy woollen bobble-hat for me. If the sun is out to get me, I switch to lightweight headgear with a wide brim to ensure adequate protection.

When fashion goes head-to-head with common sense it is time to speak out. Bare midriffs in winter are one thing, but perhaps more worrying is that so many heads -bald or otherwise - are allowing bodily heat to escape in cold weather and by

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