My Manipulative Daughter Is Breaking Me

You are not a failure as a Mum.  You and your family have done more than your fair share to help your daughter.   The trouble is, you have over-indulged your daughter to such an extent that now she is acting like a very spoilt child herself, stamping her feet, saying she will do what she likes,  demanding that you help or face ‘the consequences’.  She knows how much you love your grandchildren.  Emotional blackmail and manipulation are nasty hobbies, but they are exactly the games your daughter is trying to play with you.   Don’t fall for it.  

You have to remember that your daughter needs you far more than you need her right now.   She has broken the bank.  Don’t let this selfish woman (and she is a woman) break your soul.

Has anyone, her doctor in particular, discussed either birth control, adoption or abortion with her?  I’m sure they have.  At the moment she would appear to be breeding like a rabbit with any man who will jump into bed with her!  She had deep psychological issues herself and she needs medical intervention, but she’s a woman and she needs to take charge of her own life and not rely on you.

You shouldn’t need to dig into your pockets to fund your daughter, now with her existing children or with another baby, Social Services offer all sorts of financial and moral support to women in her situation and that’s where she should be looking for help.  Stop handing out money you don’t have.  If she asks again, tell her to contact Social Services and her Benefits office.  Tell her:  “I can’t give you money.  I don’t have any.”  And be firm.

I think you should see your GP and ask whether they have professional relationship counselling available in your surgery.   Many surgeries do, and you are entitled to several free sessions.  The advice of a trained counsellor who is personally uninvolved and able to stand back on your behalf and work through this horrible situation with you and possibly ‘role play’ you through it, could be very beneficial.   It won’t take the problem away, but it will help you cope.

You say you have been divorced for five years now and it would appear that your daughter’s troubles started when you parted from her father.   Is he still involved with her at any level?   You may feel like a ‘single parent’ but your daughter still has a father and he is as much her parent as you are.   Although you may not have the best relationship with him, it might be an idea to bite the bullet and discuss the situation with him, too.  

I’m sure you will see your grandchildren again soon.  They are old enough now to question Mummy on why they aren’t spending time with Granny any more – and your daughter needs you far more than you need her. 

Good luck and please let me know how you get on.