Should He Give Up His Lady Friend?

I have been dating a man since August two years ago.  He has been divorced for 13 years and is retired.  I still work.  At the time of his divorce, he became ‘best friends’ with a woman who lived in his new block of flats.  He says she has been with him ‘through everything’ and there is no way he can ever repay her for what she has done for him.

I know there was never any sexual relationship but the emotional bonds are even more powerful.  They speak every day and play cards until 5:30am.  They have travelled together, sharing a room, and she buys him bedding for his birthday.  Although he claims she is “just being friendly” I see some of her actions as stepping over the line into girlfriend territory.

I have never really been the jealous type, and although I respect his friendship with her, it is clear that he likes to keep us separate.  When I suggest that we get together as a threesome and perhaps take her out for dinner, he refuses point blank. 

Things have become tense between my boyfriend and me recently.  I am moving and he offered to help scout some houses for me.  However, I felt really uncomfortable when she told me that she will be going to look at houses for me with him.  I want to be the woman who decides what sort of house suits me.  I certainly do not want her house hunting for me with him.

I know that I am appearing to be jealous but are my feelings justified?  Is jealousy ever justified?

I want to be the number one woman in his life, and to be truthful at times, I do not believe I am.  As a couple, I feel this other woman has far more in common with my boyfriend than I have.  I do not want to issue him with shock alternatives, such as insisting that if he doesn’t give her up, I’ll walk out.  I know that would be unfair.  

I have tried to respect their past and their friendship but at times it is very uncomfortable.  He was planning a trip to Florida to visit a male friend, but he changed his mind after she suggested that the two of them could take a long car trip together.  They didn’t do it, but they were going to.

My boyfriend swears we have a future together, insists I am number one in his life and we have a future together.  He also says that if I was his wife, there would be no best friend girl friend.  I realise I can’t compare a friendship of 13 years to one of two years and sometimes I think he keeps her in place to prevent him from actually investing everything in us emotionally.  Help!