The Real Thing

Meeting potential dates in non-traditional ways is no longer seen as seedy, thrill-seeking or just plain desperate.  Thousands of people use internet dating services or introduction agencies to find romance, sometimes successfully and usually safely if they take sensible precautions.

There is evidence, however, that a minority of subscribers to these services, and it has to be said that they are largely men, lie about their circumstances and turn out to be married or living with a partner.  They are simply looking for easy sex.

So how do you spot a liar?  You may have chatted on the internet and to all intents and purposes he sounds like your dream man.  Neither of you have given too much personal information for quite valid reasons, (full names, addresses etc), so when you finally meet are you simply going to have to rely on intuition to spot a real-life Machiavelli?  

I would never underestimate the importance of one's gut feelings when it comes to sussing a scam, but there are other more tangible signs which should set the alarm bells ringing:-

After a few dates is he still withholding his address and home phone number?  If so, you need to ask why.

If you have his mobile number, try phoning him in the evening.  Is it always switched off or taking messages after office hours?

Does he always pay the bill (or his portion of it) with cash?  Plastic rules these days so is he avoiding his wife spotting unexplained expenses on his credit card bill?

Have you noticed small inconsistencies in the information he has given you?  They may seem inconsequential but they could point to holes in his story - ie he's lying!

This sounds rather ludicrous but you'd be surprised at the number of men who whip off their wedding rings just before meeting their unsuspecting dates.  Check his ring finger for an indentation where his ring should be.

Does he opt for small restaurants or out of the way pubs rather than city or town centre venues?  Suggest seeing a play in your main local theatre or nearest city centre - he won't risk being seen with you if he has something, or someone to hide.

Has he made rather too many sweeping romantic gestures within a fairly short time, like sending umpteen bouquets or always ordering champagne?  If so, he's either an incurable romantic with a healthy bank balance or he's wasting no time in achieving his aim of wooing you into bed.

Think about the conversations you've had with him?  Has he really taken an interest in you, your interests, family and background?  In other words does he really want to get to know you or have your meetings really been based on a strategy of softening you up and impressing you?

Has he avoided accompanying you to social or family gatherings or are your dates always restricted to just the two of you?  If he is just looking for "a bit on the side" he certainly won't be interested in meeting your family or friends. Plus this increases the chances of his being recognised so he'll avoid these situations like the plague.

If you've been pushing to visit him in his home for a change, has he finally agreed and then changed the plans at the last minute because 'something has come up'?  If so, the 'something' is probably his wife.

All that said, don't be put off the dating game.  Most people are genuine and honest, even if they don't turn out to be the love of your life and as long as you take sensible steps to ensure your personal safety, you can have a lot of fun, make some great new friends and improve your social life in general.  And who knows?  You may actually find The Real Thing. 

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