Cupids arrow targets longevity

Is it possible after the "honeymoon is over," and after many years of marriage?

"Yes! The secret is in five simple things anyone can easily do," say Nick Stinnett of the University of Alabama and Donnie Hilliard of Faulkner University, who rely on data from 6,000 successful marriages in Magnificent Marriage.

Their book is based on over 25 years of research into happily married couples from all regions and socioeconomic groups with a wide diversity of ethnic and racial backgrounds. 

"Romance is influenced by what we enjoy, what makes us feel alive, and what makes us feel safe and loved," Stinnett explains.

"There are specific ways the happy couples in our Marriage Success Research Project keep romance in their relationships."

One way is "making the ordinary into the extraordinary."

Says Hilliard, "Our happily married couples consistently talked about the ordinary, simple activities which add romance to their lives." 

Examples range from a goodbye kiss every morning to periodically leaving a love note on the refrigerator.

Being spontaneous - doing the unplanned - is another way to romance. Couples have to break the "put off" habit. For example, the wife who tells her husband on Friday afternoon, "Don't ask any questions. Just get in the car." She drives, never saying where they're going. Once it was a bed and breakfast place in the mountains - because he loves fishing. Showing appreciation works wonders. 

Happy couples "have developed the habit of looking for each other's strengths and then communicating their simple pleasure in, and gratitude for, those strengths."

Planning for good times is also essential.

Couples may drift apart if they stop spending time together, falling into a romance-less routine. Happy couples plan many activities that are fun and pleasurable - and anticipate them as dates.

Expressing kindness and consideration is another rule for romance, say the authors. 

However keeping the romance is only one of the 10 "beacons to happiness" discovered by these researchers and detailed in their book. The other beacons include experiencing intimacy, resolving conflict, overcoming chronic stress, developing a great sexual relationship, and weathering the storms of life.

The authors say the "Magnificent Marriage" principles can bring more joy to a couple and "can insure that your marriage will thrive to your golden wedding anniversary and beyond."

Bookmark with:

• Delicious
• Digg
• reddit
• StumbleUpon

Don’t know what this is?

Read the 50connect Guide To Social Bookmarking.