Divorce Inequality

When Lorna Wendt's wealthy husband of 32 years demanded a divorce and offered her only 10 percent of their marital assets, a national movement began. Ms. Wendt's demand to be a 50/50 partner in both marriage and divorce rocked the legal and business worlds. From the cover of Fortune Magazine to her appearance on Oprah, she brought her cause to the public -- that marriage should be an equal partnership.

However, in reality, marriage and divorce are often very unequal. Responding to this inequity, Ms. Wendt used her own resources to start a revolution. In 1998, she founded the Institute for Equality In Marriage. During the last three years, the Institute has helped thousands of men and women achieve equality in their relationships and when dissolving them. One of the Institute's primary focuses is divorce, which can be one of the most traumatic events in a person's life, especially for women with children. Oftentimes divorce brings emotional, financial and legal upheavals as families split apart, as finances are divided and as lives are radically changed. This is the time where information and support are crucial and yet, up until now, there have been minimal resources available.

In response to this, the Institute for Equality in Marriage has launched a new website - Equalityinmarriage.org is the ultimate resource where men and women can get action-oriented information and support in all stages of their relationships -- from getting married, being married, getting divorced and remarrying. The site includes the latest content on social issues, legislation, weekly polls, a marriage quiz, news and events as well as essential information and resources on how to achieve equality in all stages of marital relationships. The site also offers practical tips, easy-to-use checklists, essential things to remember, and links to other resources, which promote equality in marriage and in divorce.

Recognizing that transitions are stressful and often lead to inaction, the Institute utilizes interactive support to empower people to take care of themselves. A special "remind me" function invites users to receive e-mail nudges at critical junctures to motivate them through steps such as hiring a lawyer, bringing up challenging conversations, getting finances in order and reaching out for emotional support. For example, in the divorcing section, users can ask for an e-mail reminder to encourage them to take steps to find a good lawyer. Ellen Sabin, Executive Director of the Institute states, "Our site is especially useful for women going through the trauma of divorce. However, it is not just for women or just about divorce -- but for everyone and anyone wrestling with a wide variety of issues related to equality in marriage before and after divorce happens, while encouraging those who are married to maintain healthy and equal partnerships." Visitors to the site can click on "Taking Care of Business" for essential legal and financial information and "Taking Care of Self" to explore emotional, physical, social and spiritual guidance. To make it easy to find specific information, the site is arranged according to one's life stage including the following: Before Marrying -- Preparing for the biggest social contract that couples will ever make, this section offers checklists and information to help prepare for marriage.

 Topics include: status changes, changing (or not) changing one's name, discussing finances with one's partner, creating a pre-nuptial agreement as well as guidance on religious marriage contracts and links to marriage course directories. During Marriage -- Marriage is an ongoing process. This section offers actions that can be taken to ensure equality throughout the relationship including: post-nuptial agreements, partnership tips from the pros, techniques on how to improve communication and checklists on maintaining legal, financial, property and medical records. When Divorcing -- For many men and women, divorce can be one of the most traumatic and complex experiences in their lives. This section offers guidance during this transition. Topics include: how to manage the divorce, ways to end the marriage, crucial information about lawyers, court trials, real estate issues, pensions and taxes. This section also offers ways that one can reach out to family members and support groups for emotional and spiritual support. Moving Forward After Divorce -- Tips on "Putting your house in order" -- after the divorce. This section offers information and guidance on how partners can move beyond their divorce. Topics include money management skills, checklists to help organize information, as well as emotional support such as coping mechanisms to help deal with grief and rebuilding self esteem. "Through my divorce," Lorna Wendt states, "I learned firsthand that marriage is not always an equal partnership -- something most people don't realize in making the commitment. The Institute and our new website are designed to be active resources for men and women so that they go into marriage, stay in marriage, and leave marriage with emotional, financial and spiritual balance as an equal partner."

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