Everyday Romance

It's easy to forget how to be romantic in a long-term relationship or marriage, especially if you've surpassed the 'seven year itch'.

After all, few of us have travelled through marriage without facing a bump or two, but with a bit of effort, you can emerge on the other side of this transition with renewed passion, respect and commitment.

Even if you both know your love for one another, one of the biggest mistakes a couple can make is to become complacent and assume they don't need to work hard at the relationship.

Finding time for romance is crucial to a marriage or long-term relationship, and it shouldn't be limited to anniversaries, Valentine's Day or other special occasions. Incorporating it into the humdrum of the everyday is the key to the longevity of a relationship.

If you're unsure how your partner is feeling, ask them to rate their level of passion and intimacy on a scale of 1 to 10. The very act of having the conversation increases the level of satisfaction for both of you.

Alternatively, try writing a love letter to your other half, and make it a little unpredictable. Throw your partner off guard by saying things you don't normally say.

Make sure you agree to take turns initiating affection so it doesn't always fall to the same partner and every once in a while, schedule passion on your calendar in advance. Focus on your "appointment" in the hours preceding so your passion and excitement has time to really build.

Relate, the UK’s leading relationship support agency, recommends couples take note of these ten tips to maintain a healthy, loving relationship:

Explore and learn together - couples can grow together by learning new things together whatever the stage of relationship. Taking up a new activity where you’re both novices can be a very bonding experience.

Touch regularly - If you’ve been together for many years it’s easy to slip out of the habit of regular touching, but human touch has the power to soothe, support and encourage, whether it’s a peck on the cheek, a hug or making love.

Laugh together - take time to sit down together and watch a comedy or play a game that will make you laugh. Laughter releases endorphins that are nature’s feel good chemicals and when you laugh together you create a positive atmosphere.

Make time to be alone - everyone needs time and space to themselves, some need a lot, others just a little. Accept that you’re different and give each other space so you can more fully enjoy the time that you spend together.

Share goals - another way to connect emotionally is to talk about and work toward common goals. It doesn’t matter if that’s tidying up the garage, landscaping the garden or climbing a mountain, the important thing is that it’s shared.

Spend time with other couples - it’s easy to think that only you have problems but when you spend time with other couples you will see that you’re not alone. In fact you may come home appreciating the strength of your relationship.

Accept your mistakes and say sorry - we all make mistakes and get it wrong sometimes but it takes practice to be a partner and admitting your mistakes will encourage others to do likewise.

Introduce new techniques in the bedroom - if yourr sex life has become unsatisfying then talk to your partner about how you can make things more exciting: try some new positions, some new techniques or some toys. Invest in a good sex guide and work your way through the chapters together.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt - one of the most important things to remember is to not jump to conclusions; if you feel irritated about something, first check that what you think they’re saying is what they mean.

Practical Advice

If you find your arguments go round in circles, some practical advice may help.

Susan Quilliam’s Relate book, 'Stop Arguing, Start Talking: The 10 Point Plan for Couples in Conflict' gives tips on how to argue effectively.

Purchase Stop Arguing, Start Talking: The 10 Point Plan for Couples in Conflict by Susan Quilliam from Amazon for £5.59

For further information on Relate visit www.relate.org.uk

By Jessica Smith.