What Women Want

It's a fact: men don't do well on their own. In study after study, married men lead longer and healthier lives, which may explain why unmarried men seem unwilling to remain unattached for very long.

One thing is for sure. Relationship failure is almost always a two-way street. Any man hoping for success in a new relationship needs to consider the part he played in the failure of the previous one.

Relationships would run a lot more smoothly if men would only respect the importance that women place on a few key areas of daily life.

1. Talk it out
If there is one outstanding difference between women and men, it's that women like to talk about their feelings and their problems, two things which men prefer to keep to themselves.

In this case, the woman's approach is usually the healthier one. Good communication is the foundation of any good relationship. It's pretty difficult to communicate if one partner refuses to talk about matters of substance. Reviewing the events of the day, how the kids are doing in school, and whether all the bills have been paid just doesn't cut it.

The essence of true intimacy is the ability of both partners to share their innermost thoughts and concerns. "Sharing" is not the same as expecting a solution, a distinction men often fail to appreciate. When women unburden themselves in conversation, that's usually just what they're doing - taking a load off their minds. They are not asking you to take over or present them with a solution.

Just be a concerned listener. If they really need your help, they'll ask for it. Usually, with a little moral support, women are more than capable of running their own lives! It's when men try to turn moments of true intimacy into problem solving sessions, that communication between partners begins to unravel.

2. Avoid criticism
There's no such thing as "constructive" criticism. One sure way to quash your partner's willingness to share their vulnerabilities is to point out their inadequacies. If positive reinforcement is the best method for changing behaviour in children and animals, as specialists tell us, it will just as surely work with adults.

This doesn't mean that you need to be untruthful. It means that you need to take a positive approach. Instead of responding with "You shouldn't . . . " or "You always . . ." present your suggestions or observations in a less confrontational format. Try "Have you considered . . ." or "I'd appreciate it if you would . . ."

As the old saying goes, "you catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar".

3. Pay attention
It's a cliché that men who forget to observe birthdays, holidays and other special occasions are headed for the doghouse.

But it's equally important for men to pay heed to the everyday needs and concerns of the women in their lives. A fundamental purpose of modern relationships is to provide each other with companionship and support.

If the woman in your life is going through a difficult time, you have an amazing capacity to make life easier for her. Dramatic gestures are not required, simple kindness will do. An unexpected call or note recognizing her situation and expressing support, may make the difference between a good day and another bad one.

Similarly, if something is happening in her life that's important to her, it's important for you to take note of it, as well.

4. Show appreciation
Feeling taken for granted is pure poison to a relationship. It's the first step down the road to resentment.

Everyone wants a little recognition for their efforts. (Remember that concept of positive reinforcement?) Most people can accept being overlooked at work. But if the person you're closest to consistently fails to express appreciation, it hurts. Unless a woman feels good about herself, it's hard for her to feel good about you.

Show appreciation for all the things your partner does for you. Truly acknowledging her importance in your life is one key to a healthy relationship.

5. Romance
While most men can understand a woman's need to feel appreciated, the female yearning for romance can make them very uncomfortable. You won't need to read a Danielle Steele novel or spend a fortune to introduce a little romance in your relationship.

A sense of romance permeates most relationships in the early months. Why? Everything's new and surrounded by an aura of discovery. Once things become comfortable and settled, there's a tendency to fall into a routine.

Recapture some of that early romance through the element of surprise. Doing something thoughtful and unexpected will make her feel special again. It's the intention that counts, not the expense. The unexpected gift of a single rose can have more impact than a dozen sent on Valentine's day. Surprising her by hiring a babysitter and taking her for a sunset picnic on the beach can be considerably more romantic than a planned evening at an expensive restaurant with friends.

Bookmark with:

• Delicious
• Digg
• reddit
• StumbleUpon

Don’t know what this is?

Read the 50connect Guide To Social Bookmarking.