Putting Back The Spark

Sex is like anything else in a relationship, it requires effort if it is going to stay away from the realms of the mundane.  

There is no use complaining to yourself that your sex life has taken a turn for the worse if you aren't prepared to put energy, thought and time into improving it.  Here are few pointers to help you get your sex life back on track.

• Communication is vital to a healthy sex life but when was the last time you had an honest open discussion with your partner?  Decide on your moment and take the bull by the horns but, remember to choose your words carefully when you are suggesting new ideas or talking about sex with your partner.  Avoid negative language and words like dissatisfied, dull and monotonous. Always use positive phrases like 'I thought it might be fun if we...' or 'I like this, but that might be better...'  You don't want to crush your partners confidence or make them feel inadequate. 

• It's easy to fall into a routine when it comes to sex, especially if you've been with your partner a long time.  Make a concerted effort to break old habits and add variety to your sex life.  If you always have sex in the evening, have it in the morning instead.  If foreplay is the same every time you have sex, try something different.

• Tell each other your fantasies.  If you can't say them out loud, write then down and have an evening of fun swopping pieces of paper and rediscovering the person you fell in love with.

• Spontaneity is great but after a hard days work or a busy weekend sex can slip down the list of priorities.  Plan a sex-filled evening together.  It can be a mutual decision or you could surprise your partner by phoning at lunchtime and letting them know what you have in store for the evening! 

• Go to a sex shop together.  Sex shops aren't the seedy stigmatised places they used to be.  Since last year, British pornography laws have been relaxed to fall in line with the rest of Europe so you can now find bright, airy and undaunting 'sex supermarkets'.  Anne Summer's shops have found their way onto our high streets, and there are even women-only sex shops such as Sh! - pronounced Shhhhhh - in Old Street, London.  This shop is run by women for women, and men are only allowed in if accompanied by a female.  For further information visit www.sh-womenstore.com/.   But, if you're still  not keen on walking in as a couple, there are plenty of reputable shops online.

Published 2002.

By Rachael Hannan

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