Grumpy Old Men

The trouble with BBC-TV’s Grumpy Old Men is that the men aren’t often that old, and have nothing to be genuinely grumpy about.  I’d change all that in one snarl!

Things don’t so much make me grumpy, as extremely annoyed, which is when I wished that I lived in another country, preferably France, or Italy.

Let’s start in the present, or rather with the present that I would never want in a month of Sundays, and which I would quite deliberately throw, there and then, into the bin. Such a thing arrived for me this Christmas by name of ‘ hand warmers’.  Now, I may live in the Inner City, but I spend a lot of my time out of doors, even on the river, which is where this well meaning person thought I would need such modern-day namby pamby creations.

I have perfectly good gloves, if needed, otherwise let the weather get to your hands I say. In fact might I make a suggestion: A Christmas and birthday present list should be issued, just as is done leading up to a wedding.  You never hear of a newly married couple getting the wrong present, if they have issued a ‘wedding list.’

Whatever happened to Keep Britain Tidy?  Daily I watch in horror as people, mainly smokers, discard packaging onto the pavement.  Allegedly there is a fine for doing this, but nothing works as far as the law is concerned in Britain, unless you are defending yourself against some criminal, and then you will be for it.

The presence of Community Police officers on the streets makes me laugh.  This was Blunkett’s alternative police force.  Having failed with the lazy, over-paid canteen addicts, he decided he would start a rival force.  But why not make the real coppers work first?  A Newcastle University academic has just produced a long study that rates our police force as one of the worst in the world.  Its rate of crime solving is almost non-existent.  Instead of making door-to-door inquiries in London they just stick up yet another metal road-side sign appealing for information.  Relying on CCTV to do their real work, which it never does. Get back on the beat, and fight the flab at the same time.

It angers me that a Russian can come and live here, in a multi-million pound property swarming with security men and buy a football club, and spend million upon millions in a bid to win titles. In other words he is buying and polluting our soccer history.  Bring back the real, loveable, unpredictable Chelsea.  It is unpredictability that is the endearing quality of sport. The dodgy Russian has removed all that.  Maybe home crowds hosting Chelski should wear something orange as the opposition thousands did in the Ukraine, before they booted out the Russian-backed crook who ruled over them.

I really loathe the sight of people, especially women, chewing.  It is an awful American habit, and has no place over here.  It does not do you any good.  Leave the chewing to the cows munching their cud, it suits them better than the human race.

As for drivers, why do people lose all sense of humanity when they step into the driving seat of a car?  You stop and beckon a car out in front of you.  Nine times out of ten you get no acknowledgement or thanks.  Motorists seem to want to run pedestrians over, especially if you want to cross where you actually have the right, on a pedestrian crossing.

Also how many times have you been woken in the night by a car alarm bleating away.  That annoys me.  So too does the mini cab driver who is too lazy to knock on his customer’s door, and just sits outside in the road blasting his horn.

People who drive cars with totally smoked windows must have a personality problem.  I presume they lack one.

Any car that parks in a bus lane should be blown up in my opinion. The trouble with parking wardens is that they do not seem to act against the real traffic blocking villains, preferring easy prey, often in side streets.

But enough grumpiness for this New Year.  It’s beginning to make me too annoyed!

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