An open radio mic not policies to decide election result?

Posted on: 02 May 2010 by Gareth Hargreaves

The election campaign enters its final week with Gordon Brown paying a 'heavy price' for indiscretion, Lib Dem support on the wane and David Cameron fretting over whether he can muster a majority at the polls.

An open radio mic not policies to decide election result?A month ago Nick Clegg would have never believed it, if a commentator had foretold that by the end of the election he would be sharing power with David Cameron at No 10 and be regarded as a ‘pin up’ by teenage school girls!

Lord Mandleson would have dismissed as arrant nonsense the possibility that Gordon Brown would describe a dyed-in-the-wool Labour supporter as bigoted - and leave his radio mic on for the world to hear to him!

David Miliband would not have contemplated that a Gordon Brown gaffe could take from him forever the chance of being leader of the Labour party and Prime Minister (had Labour got most seats at the election, but no majority, Brown would have had to leave as Clegg said he would not partner with Labour with Brown as PM).

David Cameron, who has had sleepless nights for the past six months as he saw the Tory lead slip away, could not have hoped for Brown to so carelessly throw away his slim hopes of re-election. He may have prayed for it, though, in which case, his prayer has been answered!

The cabinet knew that winning this election was going to be tough, but that they were still in there with a chance. Brown’s ill-timed ‘slip of the tongue’ has drawn them all to the phone calling in favours to line-up cosy jobs as they slip inexorably into the political wilderness as opposition!

The Liberals now truly believe in God and Saint Nick – but are fretting that they may just have to run the country as opposed to pontificating about how not to run it!

Guardian readers are on the horns of a dilemma and are torn as to whether they should buy their cherished paper on Monday now it has come out in support of the Liberals - having unceremoniously dumped the Labour Party on Friday afternoon.

Gordon Brown just can’t understand why the world is against him all of a sudden and why Tony Blair still gets good press and can afford that lovely sun tan. The world is so unfair to the good guys!

British voters can’t believe that they have been saved from another five years of Brown’s incompetent government by just one slip of the tongue and a radio microphone.

Gillian Duffy, the unwitting catalyst of Brown’s political hara-kiri act, is at a loss being at the centre of a press furore and having the need for a PR company to advise and negotiate for her. After all, she only went out to get a jar of bloater fish paste!

Lord Mandleson can’t believe his luck – he may just end up as leader of the Labour party after all, albeit in opposition. The ‘Dark Lord’ will then be free to exact revenge on all those who have dug the dirt on him down the years. They, of course, will be looking for new opportunities in careers other than politics!

All in all, it’s a funny old world and as Brown and his Labour colleagues can assuredly testify – ‘a week is a long time in politics!’

As we approach polling day, the hustings are sure to throw up more ifs, buts and maybes, but one thing will remain unchanged – the £178 billion of debt we have to pay back!

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