Should I Be Double Dating?

Posted on: 20 June 2008 by Gareth Hargreaves

'Courting' two ladies in his retirement home has Eric rather confused.

Eric Writes:

I have got myself into something of a pickle. I have recently moved to a retirement home, where I was only one of a handful of healthy men.

All of a sudden I find myself courting two ladies at the same time. I enjoy their company and am happy to proceed with the arrangement. However I am fearful that they will both become upset when the truth is inevitably revealed. I must also admit that I am excited by my dare devil actions because I've never dated two women at the same time before.

Can you advise me on this predicament?

Andy Advises:

The problem is that there generally are more women than men in any retirement home, or even at day centres.  This is just the way of nature.  The temptation to a healthy man like you is that now you are surrounded by a plethora of lovely ladies, you feel you’ve never had it so good and want to take advantage of it.

What’s going on here?  You can’t play with the feelings of these ladies for your own amusement, whether you are living in a retirement home or anywhere else and no matter how old you may be.

It depends on what you mean when you say you are 'courting' two ladies, Eric?  Do you mean that you have become a 'special' friend to both of them?  Are you having a quiet little kiss and cuddle with each of them without the other knowing?  Are you going on outings with each individually to the pictures or out for a meal?  Or are you just giving each of them the pleasure of spending time in your company, each without the other one knowing?

I doubt very much that you are thinking of having sex with these ladies, or even if you are, that either of them would want to go to bed with you if the chance arose.  You’re just an old flirt.  And I suspect if these two ladies realised what you were up to, they’d consider you a dirty old flirt at that.

So stop playing at being Lothario. If you start making unwelcome advances, you can be sure to end up the most unpopular man in the place, and that’s if you are allowed to stay at all.  You sound like a naughty teenager, not a mature man.

Living in an enclosed environment such as this one, you know you are bound to be found out sooner or later, and I suspect that part of your sense of ‘dare-devil fun’ is seeing how long you can keep so many people in the dark.

However, and to coin an old fashioned phrase, your chickens are going to come home to roost in the end, and you know it. You’ll end up with nothing more than a reputation as a silly old man.  So why don’t you bite the bullet right now and come clean with both these ladies before your bit of fun ends up breaking the hearts of two elderly ladies unnecessarily.

Get together with both of them over a cup of tea and explain that you think both of them are very special ladies, and how about you all being friends and enjoying life together. One of the joys of moving to a retirement community is to be with people of a similar age and have the chance to make new friends.

At your age, by all means carry on enjoying the company of the opposite sex. There’s nothing but pleasure to be gained from paying these ladies kind compliments and leaving flirtation there.  But put any ideas of 'double dating' out of your head and start acting your age.  Before you get thrown out.

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