Nobody's perfect - so let's stop trying to be!

Posted on: 07 July 2011 by Rhian Mainwaring

Life coach Teejay Dowe's tips on being the best you can be without the pressure of perfection


Remember what it was like to be 10 years old and dream about life in the future? You’d meet the man, Prince Charming of course, he’d charm you, romance you, whisk you off your feet and marry you in a romantic ceremony. You’d live in a beautiful house and have beautiful kids and adore him all day as he provided you and your children with everything you needed and you would live happily ever after!

Nice dream but for most ladies not the reality, hey? And thank goodness for that! I know it seemed idyllic but come on! If it was all that perfect where would the fun be? Wouldn’t you be bored? 

If it were so perfect where would be the challenge?  The learning and the growth? Where would be the surprise and yes, even the heartache, that make life an adventure and cause us to expand our awareness and potential? I love that life is not perfect and we are not perfect. It’s what makes it interesting, fun, challenging, different, unique, special and ever evolving. I love that You are not perfect too – it makes you interesting, fun, challenging, different, unique, special and ever evolving.

And yet, as a coach who specialises in confidence and self-esteem, it breaks my heart that I see an endless stream of beautiful women beating themselves up, putting themselves down and making themselves feel bad attempting the impossible – trying to be perfect.

Ladies is this you?

  • Got to look my best at all time
  • Got to have the perfect house even if that means getting up super early to get the house work done
  • Got to have the perfect kids, must make sure they have it all
  • My perfect kids must have do interesting stuff and of course I’ll be the taxi to take them wherever they need to be whenever they need to be there because that’s what a perfect mum does.
  • Must make sure I stay in shape by dieting and exercising
  • Must be the perfect wife - efficient and organised and taking care of everyone’s needs
  • Must be sexy
  • Must make sure I have a job and do my part to bring some income in
  • Must have the best job
  • Must be the best at my job
  • Must get that promotion
  • Must be liked by the people I work with
  • Must be in control
  • Must be sociable and have lots of friends
  • Must invite those friends over to be sociable too
  • Must be a great cook
  • Oh and I should have some hobbies too. Must be the best at those hobbies.
  • Oh but not too many hobbies as I have to take care of the husband and put the kids first

I’m exhausted just writing it let alone doing it all! STOP!

It’s time now to stop beating yourself up for something that is not even possible to achieve and instead it’s now time to celebrate being human and embrace all that that means. Set your own standards, discover or re-discover your emotions and be the most Amazing person you can be. No more beatings, just lessons that lead to Blessings. 

  • Being perfect won’t make you more loveable – you are that already
  • Being perfect won’t make you worthy – you are that right now.
  • Being perfect won’t make you better – you are already magnificent!
  • The only thing you need to do is to be the best human being you can possibly be.
  • You are Amazing without ever having to be perfect. Think about it. 


  • Can brighten someone else’s day just with your smile.
  • Have the ability to think!
  • Have the ability to feel
  • Have the ability to create.
  • Can turn a thought in to a reality by taking action.
  • Have the ability to inspire others through your thoughts, words and actions.
  • Need I go on? Be kinder to yourself - Give yourself permission to be Human!

Here are my top tips for being the best you you can be without the pressure of perfection:

  • Set boundaries around your time – Decide how long you will spend at work, with the kids, with your partner and with yourself and keep to it to allow more balance and less stress.
  • What didn’t get done today can still get done another day. Decide each morning what the three most important things are that you need to achieve today. Do those first so the rest are a bonus rather than a necessity
  • When something is not perfect – ask “What’s great about that?” or “What could be great about it if there was just one thing?”
  • When you feel yourself tempted back to perfection, stop and instead acknowledge to yourself five amazing things about you. These must be qualities that you have not things that you have achieved or things that you do. For example “I’m funny, I’m caring, I’m generous, I’m determined, I’m sexy!”
  • At the end of the day reflect back on the day and list 10 things that were great about the day. Big things, little things, the way someone smiled at you, a compliment you gave someone, a beautiful flower you saw in the garden. Anything, just 10 things that are special to that day.

When you take the pressure of perfection away you get to enjoy being the best person you can be and feel amazing instead of stressed. That’s a great gift for you, and the people around you  too.

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