Mobile Mania
Basil Turner
on our phone mad and technology crazy world.
With the possible exception of the Atom Bomb, inventions in themselves are neither good nor bad. What people do with them, however, is worthy of value judgement. Let us take the case of the telephone. We can hardly imagine a world without it, but such is its misuse, that it is as much out of control as rabbits left to their own reproductive tendencies.
The basic landline is of great benefit to all. With the advent of thhe Mobile, however, a Pandora’s Box hass been opened and aall kinds of demons have been allowed to escape. I am now a reluctant owner of one of these anti-social devices mainly because without one I would hardly qualify as a member of society. I am, however, merely an associate member, since I only carry the thing if I want to phone someone else or I have been specifically requested to do so – for emergencies. The case for the Mobile in emergencies is well made; what is so worrying is that the Mobile carrying public upgrades every slight concern to emergency status.
Nowhere is safe: businessmen set up office in public places, notably in First Class railway carriages. On a recent rail trip to Scotland a band of young suited types invaded my carriage at York and then treated me to a non-stop demonstration of their executive decision making all the way to Edinburgh. When I suggested to the attendant that they should be asked to desist I was told that I could always move to the quiet coach. This is clear proof that however daft a policy is, it will be accepted as normal behaviour provided it makes money. Then there are the drivers on our roads – even articulated lorry drivers – who still flaunt the law, putting us all at risk, as they chat away with one hand on the wheel – we hope! I am equally incensed at being forced to listen to the half conversations of shoppers as they check with base as to whether they need any more cat food.
The world has gone phone mad. The Mobile is no longer just a device to be held in a position that suggests permanent earache, it is now a camera and much, much more. (Unfortunately, my knowledge of technology is so limited, that I cannot be specific about what the extra ‘benefits’ are that will further impoverish my life.)
Because the world is always itching
to dial, be it by thumb or first digit, the media have jumped on the bandwagon
as the public are invited to ‘get on the phone’ about every issue
under the sun. Notable, of course, is the greatest money-spinner of all, that
great insult to our intelligence, the multiple-choice question everybody knows
the answer to. The amazing thing is that nobody seems to recognise how mindblowingly
stupid this is. For example, for the chance to win thousands of pounds on Richard
and Judy’s You Say, We Pay, the question might be: What was the name of
the first James Bond film? Was it (a) Dr.Yes (b) Dr. No, or (c) Dr. Maybe?
The BBC is currently running another pointless phone-in poll to decide who governs
Britain – a further example of padding-out to fill surplus airtime. Getting
the most votes in a phone-in poll means absolutely nothing, especially as people
can vote as many times as they like.
I am not against technology as such; after all how impoverished we would be if the genius of Mozart could not be captured by the magic of recording techniques. And how those techniques have improved over the years! From 78s, then vinyls and cassette tape to the magnificent CD. Consider too how that masterpiece of hydro-technology, the flush toilet, has protected our noses from at least some unwelcome odours and our rear ends from sub-zero temperatures when forced to use the outside ‘privy’ in winter! Finally, such is my inclination for sentence tinkering, that this article could not have been written without the wizardry of the Word Processor! I refer the reader back to the second sentence of paragraph one and then to comment, as he or she thinks fit.
But technology is out of control, and it will stay out of control just as long as we are pressured to ‘upgrade’, which means fixing things that don’t need fixing. I now admit to being a CD enthusiast – even though finding my way into their silly plastic boxes is as much of a puzzle as finding the leading edge of a roll of cling-film. Now, apparently we now have I-pods, which will undoubtedly be followed by J, K, L, M and N-pods. Where will it all end?
Enough is enough! Why do the doors of my new car shut themselves automatically with me still inside? My current theory is that the car thinks it is doing me a favour as I might forget to lock the car after leaving it. I will shut the doors when I want to thank you very much! Then there is my new video recorder: it seeks to impress me with all the things it can do – except, of course, make a simple recording simply as my old one did. I break out in a cold sweat as I search for the instruction booklet (again), read it (again), and still can’t make it work. People used to talk about ‘user friendly’ machines. Whatever happened to that idea? If I can’t interact with my video recorder, I certainly don’t want to interact with my TV. I see RED often enough; I don’t need to press it! The whole idea of interacting with machines sounds decidedly unhealthy to me anyway.
Anyone who has read my earlier
article Inside My Head will recognise that once again I have ventured
well outside my skull in this second rant about the crazy techno-world we live
in. I promise that this will be my last... for now!
By Basil Turner
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