Am I A Lesbian?

Posted on: 17 January 2008 by

She’s married, but Melissa dreams about sex with another woman.

confused about sexualityMelissa writes:

I am confused about a lot of things lately, but mainly my sexuality. 

I am a mother and a wife. Sex has always been the norm for me but generally sex has been a lot more physical than emotional. The problem is I have strong feelings and dreams about women and what it would be like to be in a full sexual relationship with a woman rather than a man. Sex with my husband is there, but there no connecting on my end.

I have had these feelings for a while. When I was younger there were certain instances where I would be physically and intimately curious about a female. I have touched a female and kissed a female. I desperately think about being with one all the time. I want to try this and see if it is indeed something that I want. Yet I am scared of repercussions from my family. Is there any hope?

Andy advises:

Melissa, this is a tough one. You say you have a physical relationship with your husband but cannot ‘connect’ with him.  Is this because you don’t love him or have any emotional ties to him, or is it because he physically repels you.  My guess is that you are bi-sexual. But until you are sure what you are and what you want, why not do a bit of ’homework’. 

Contact The Pink Practice, run from London and another centre in Leeds who may be able to advise you and help you sort out your feelings. Contact them through their Website or you might phone their helpline on 020 7060 4000. They’re open Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm and they may be able to put you in touch with someone locally to whom you can express you feelings without embarrassment.  

Many people are bi-sexual and have feelings for both sexes. You don’t need to ’come out’ until you know that you are sure in your own mind that you want to - and even then why do your children have to know anything about it?  There are many mothers who happen to be lesbian or bi-sexual. It won’t change your feelings for or attitude towards your children in any way.

You might also ask your GP for help.  Again, don’t be embarrassed.  It’s a problem GP’s come across all the time. Go and speak to him and he may be able to put you in touch with a registered Sex Therapist.


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