He doesn't get aroused

Posted on: 21 January 2008 by

Cindy’s man can’t have normal vaginal sex - but why?

Cindy Writes:

I have recently started dating someone who is not able to perform sexually with vaginal penetration. He cannot maintain an erection for vaginal intercourse and only occasionally does he even get aroused without oral stimulation. Oral stimulation is the only way he is able to have an orgasm himself. He has had a vasectomy so I know it's not fear of causing pregnancy.

I have suspicions he may be gay but am thinking there could be a number of reasons why he can’t ‘perform’ normally. Oral stimulation is the only thing he really responds to sexually and he has to be standing up at the time. Please help.


 

Andy Advises:

I was so concerned by your problem, Cindy, that I contacted Dr. David Delvin, one of Britain’s most respected psychosexual counsellors. We agreed that in the first instance, and before you get too deeply into this relationship, you need to talk to your boyfriend about his problems, honestly and openly.

You are clearly a loving, caring person and so could use all your interpersonal skills to tell him how much you truly care about him, and say that if you didn’t care so much, you wouldn’t be putting yourself into the position of confronting him with your worries and fears.

Dr. Delvin is most concerned for you both and says: “This chap really needs some professional psycho-sexual counselling.”

He suggests that as we have no idea where in Britain you are based, he should contact the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. Their very helpful Website is to be found at www.basrt.org.uk or he could ring them on 0208 543 2707 for referral to a competent and reliable counsellor. Such counselling will cost a moderate fee, but it has to be worth it to him so that he can sort himself out and get on with a full, healthy and active life.

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