I’m sexier than my man

Posted on: 21 January 2008 by

My husband’s love-making leaves me frustrated. Should I have an affair?

Wendy Writes:

I’m 44 and in my second marriage and my husband, who is 56, is in his fourth. We’ve been married just over a year and I love him dearly. However, I want to make love much more than he does.

I often wake up feeling sexually aroused having had an erotic dream but he’s not very interested. When we do make love, foreplay is virtually non-existent and always predictable. He ejaculates prematurely, usually climaxing within 30 seconds.

He has a very small penis. It’s only two-and-a-half inches when fully erect. He has said it used to be much larger and that he used to have a great deal of stamina and could climax and satisfy his partner at will - but I’m beginning to disbelieve him and wonder if his sexual incompetence could be the real reason he’s been married four times.

I truly believe in my wedding vows, but I’m so frustrated that I am beginning to wonder whether to have an affair. I’m shocked at my own thoughts. They are totally out of character. My first marriage lasted 18 years and I never considered cheating, despite the fact that my first husband was a serial adulterer.


Andy Advises:

I can understand your frustration, and the fact that your husband is in his fourth marriage is a major concern.   Did you ask him what went wrong in the first three, before you got married?   Marriage is NOT only about friendship or companionship.  It’s about intimacy and closeness and satisfying one another’s needs at any age and in any circumstances.

It’s no good crying over what’s done.  This is about attempting to put it right. Speak to your husband and tell him honestly and openly how unhappy you are about the current situation.  Tell him that it is because you love him so much, and because you value your marriage vows that you are willing to do anything to put it right, and that you hope he is too.  

If he truly loves you and is keen to satisfy you, then your first stop should be a joint visit to your GP.   Ask to be referred to a recognised and qualified sexual therapist.  For heaven’s sake, don’t start seeking out an unknown on the internet.

If you can’t face seeing someone you both know together, contact Relate.  They offer a recognised and totally professional sexual therapy programme.  Firstly you meet with a sex therapist who will explore with you what you want to achieve or change in your sexual relationship and what the reasons behind this might be. The therapist will talk with you about the best way forward in your circumstances. 

If the therapist thinks that Relate can help, you’ll have regular hourly sessions with your sex therapist and be given a programme of exercises to do at home (you will never be asked to undertake any sexual tasks during a session).

To make an appointment to see a sex therapist please call your nearest Relate on 0845 456 1310 (local rate applies).

The idea of an affair may sound very tempting in your current situation, Wendy but it really is not a good idea if you truly value your marriage.

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