I don’t get aroused

Posted on: 21 January 2008 by

Are Paul and his wife living on different sexual planets?

Paul Says:

I am 48 and my wife is 54. During the last couple of years our sex life has deteriorated mainly because I don't get aroused at all, any more. I am not on any medication and am not suffering from depression or stress.

I do enjoy a couple of pints when I get home from work in the evening but I‘m not a drinker as such so that‘s not the cause. I was a practising transvestite until about 5 years ago, but I’ve never had any homosexual relationships or desires. My wife isn't into sexy underwear and she won’t use sex toys, although I think they are fun. Any ideas?

Andy Advises:

Are you absolutely sure that your erectile dysfunction does not have a medical cause?  It might be worth having a thorough check up with your GP.  You need have no fear of embarrassment.  GP’s see this kind of problem all the time. 

You and your wife need to talk to get to the root of the problem together.  It’s probably affecting her as much as it’s affecting you.  Your inability to get an erection and your wife’s lack of interest in sex need sorting out together. My guess is that you both need proper professional help, possibly in the form of sex therapy.

If you’re positive that your ED does not have a medical cause and your wife can’t give you a logical explanation as to her lack of interest in sex, then such problems can be sorted by a counsellor - rather than a doctor - at Brook, Relate or a family planning clinic.

There are also private therapists who are highly trained in sex and relationship problems and they usually belong to an organisation called the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT). You could write to: The British Association for Sexual and Relationships Therapy at BASRT PO Box 13686 London SW20 9ZH who may be able to recommend a private therapist in your area. 

Relate offers advice, relationship counselling, sex therapy, workshops, mediation, consultations and support face-to-face, by phone or through their Website http://www.relate.org.uk/.  

NetDoctor UK is a Website offering people with problems advice on where to find good professional help.  Why not take a look at sexual psychotherapist Christine Webber’s advice at http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/sextherapy.htm.  Or ring Brook on 08000 185023.

 Please let me know how you fare?

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