Why is my marriage so boring?

Posted on: 21 January 2008 by

How can Bev overcome depression caused by love deprivation?

Bev Writes:

I am writing to keep from going mad! Time and again I have told my husband that I am very bored with our marriage. After thirteen years and two kids, I feel completely washed up!! I hate it. I want out, and yet I can’t bring myself to leave him because I feel there aren’t any men out there who will be able to satisfy me. I’m sick of trying to make it work.

My husband rarely shows any real interest in me sexually and that has caused a deep depression. As a result, I am suffering severe weight problems, and the fact that, no matter what, he refuses to kiss me, just kills me. I want to love him and for the most part do, but I need more.

I feel so trapped and hopeless! Please help?

Andy Advises:

Your letter is full of paradoxes. Stop feeling trapped and start acting positive! On the one hand, you say you hate your husband and can’t wait to get out of your marriage – but you are scared to do so because you don’t know if there is anyone out there to ‘satisfy you’ – do you mean sexually? You say you are bored. You have two children to consider and they’re at an age when what you do and how you behave has a huge impact on them.

You also say you love your man but it hurts you that he doesn’t kiss you or show you any physical affection.  And you end by admitting that you are very overweight and are not looking after yourself.   So let’s work backwards.   Could it be that your man is not attracted to you any more because you don’t look like the woman he married. You are not the only one who is bored, I suspect!  If that’s the nub of the problem, then the remedy might also be in your hands.  It might take a while to put it right, but at least work at it.

Why not join www.WeightWatchers.co.uk  or Slimming World www.slimming-world.com.  You will find the contact numbers for local meetings on their respective Websites.  They are not expensive.  The foods they suggest don’t cost any more than the food you buy to feed yourself and your family and contrary to myth, they do not ‘name and shame’ at meetings.  Weigh-ins are private and you feel so proud when you loose weight and everyone cheers!  I’ve done it!

Get your hair done, professionally.   Steal the money out of housekeeping if you have to!

Buy yourself something pretty.  It may only be a new belt but buy yourself something.

Make up – again needn’t be expensive – and if it is, look on all this as an investment in your future.  Buy a couple of magazines and copy the way the stars apply their make up.  Or go to the cosmetic counter in a local store and ask for one of the assistants advice.  They may even give you a free make over.  You don’t have to buy – say you’ll ‘think about it’.

Let your husband know what you are doing and tell him that you are doing it for yourself and your own self esteem, and you want him to be proud.

Is one of your children a girl?  If so, why not take her out with you when you go on your shopping spree.  Treat yourself to an early Christmas present.  You truly deserve it. And start your New You Plan now.  Don’t make the coming holidays an excuse to defer it all.

In the meantime, do have  the best Christmas you can with your family.  Be fun.  Have fun – and don’t eat too many mince pies, and maybe that man of yours will see you for the strong willed, lovely lady he knows you are.

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